Category: Match Reports

A round up of past matches and 20/20s!

LHCC v SCC 21st April 2019

LHCC won by 7 wickets with 26 balls remaining
At 243 for 3 off 32.3 overs
SCC 241 for 7 off 36.5 overs at arranged end of innings for tea at 16.00

Yuri and Dacha scoring

The season commences. Brandonovski skippers us into 2019 with Dacha as his vice. The weather was fine, perhaps with a freshening breeze but a good omen for the weather gods, I hope. When we walked up to the ground we noticed the stumps were alarmingly close to the boundary, marked by the road. Indeed, the wicket was the closest on the square and barely another 22 yards at its shortest to the boundary. Definitely a home team advantage and one they will bring to bear. The toss was taken and we were into bat, which given the sunshine didn’t unduly disturb us. Sat beside Dacha, I was happily ticking over the runs on their plush, electronic scoreboard.

Hooperoff on his back foot

Meadvedev and Hopperoff opened and settled us into nearly eleven overs of solid batting. It felt delightful, pad pad pad, grunt, clock, gentle applause. Fours and singles until at 34, Meadvedev was run out. Malikovich stepping out to replace him. Hooperoff still looking splendid and dare I say, dashing in his demeanour?

Malikovich was out of the stalls fast and his fourth and fifth scoring hits were both sixes. That boundary benefits all it seems! But an aggressive opening from Malikovich was a delight to see even if raising the blood pressure 20%.

Nothing lasts forever and Malikovich was caught behind off H.Sussum for 53 – fair play, comrade. Replaced by Arjun, our new blood comrade. Chirpy and bright start. Hooperoff now caught behind (a theme) and him for 64 – Brava! These are proper cricketing scores, comrades, proper cricket. Reeet nice.

At this point we were at 174 for 3 – Yes. That’s right. Let’s nor forget this performance as we read on. Our memories are too short. What did come next? Well let’s look at the figures:

Meadvedev   34
Hooperoff 64
Malikovich 53
Arjan 41
Mullertov 27
Hodderoff 11

A young gentleman called Batt took the last two there before going onto to bowl Malkovich as well and by tea we (as planned) we were over and out for 241. This is a princely score for which we should all be very proud – hurrah comrades. And yes, Sewelski, you were standing not out at the end.

Tea is a lovely affair and I snuffled more mayo egg and victoria sponge than any decent GP would suggest and I felt none the guiltier or worse for it. We waddled out and started our session in the field, the sun now waned and the weather more fresh.

Open space – courtesy of Malkovich

The bowling attack was broadly devised in pairs with 4 overs each, returning if necessary. The first pair was Malikovich and myself, Yuri. Progression then brought in Medvedev and Dacha, Hodderoff and Hooperoff. It’s hard to summarise the internal dialogue a bowler has when the batting side are playing at home with a close boundary but it’s something along the lines of, “Oh shit, there it goes again. Fuck, where’s that one going? Oh for God’s sake!”. The ball sent clattering off for a six or a four from the slightest of knocks or a lucky edge. But they knew both their pitch and onions.

We were not shocking in the field and there was some lovely throwing visible from Hodderoff and Mullertov. Sewelski was very present in the game with some useful stops at the boundary and I was wearing my ten inch spikes which left me glued to the ground and unable to move when a ball sailed past me en-route to the boundary, sorry comrades. I find spikes a blessing and a curse…. A curessing?!!?

Bowling to note: Wickets from Malikovich and Hooperoff. Huzzahh!

Malikovich – 5.9 runs per over
Yuri – 6.6 runs per over
Medvedev – 7.4 runs per over
Hooperoff – 7.5 runs per over
Dacha – 10 runs per over
Hodder – 13 runs per over

I think the bowling figures are incorrect as I am sure that Hodderoff had more than 1 over?! Obvs, we weren’t entering them!

So we achieved a high score, we buckled down in the field, but the economy and their skill in finding the boundary with the available time mean, that although there were times we felt we could have it in our grasp, we lost it in the last half of the overs. But it was a great match and all players were magnificent – Huzzah!

LHCC v SCC 21st April 2019
SCC Innings
LHCC v SCC 21st April 2019
LHCC Innings



Before I go on to mention that the captain’s report is missing because it was never submitted, may I say that the captain on the day was Jontin!

If anybody has specific memories of this match, I beg you to submit them. Otherwise the scorecard is below and a picture too.



Comrade Soldya Crispypants and new blood, comrade Stephen Mead. The match is over, the scorebook shut. The pub is open, expand one’s gut. Poetry is poor as I write these Lines but don’t play cricket on a field of mines. 




MATCH REPORT: SCC v VCC 6th May 2018 – Hampstead Heath

VCC won by 27 runs.
VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.
SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. 

SCC v VCC at Hampstead Heath Extension on Sun 6 May 18

Captain’s Match Report written by Comrade Vladimir Boringski aka Charlie Richards aka Charlie the Choker.

It was that time of year again when we take on our capitalist rivals the VCC. It was a hot day again this year, although not quite as warm as the sweltering heat wave we battled through in June last year.

Hampstead Heath extension

Captain Vlad aka Charlie the Choker won the toss against VCC Captain Dan Benn and decided to field first in a game of 40 overs each way. As we took to the field Martin Stockman (Stocko) and Don Ewing of the VCC were the first batsman to appear at the crease. Malik Suleman aka Malikski aka Malik the Magnificent was our first attack bowler to charge at the VCC, pounding the ball down with all of his usual vigour, speed and swerve to try to outflank the capitalists. 5 overs of the best he gave, and almost got Don Ewing’s wicket, but unfortunately Vlad dropped a catch hard pelted against him at silly mid off. Dan Woodhouse aka Dacha aka Dangerous Dan gave 5 overs of the best from the other end. Shortly before the 10th over was bowled SCC newcomer Alex Williams aka Alex the Avenger sustained an injury, dislocating his shoulder as he valiantly raced to save a boundary ball. He was ubered off to hospital, and we had a break for drinks. Get well soon Alex! Andrew Foster 12th man stepped in to the breach.

Back on the field again Phil Richardson aka Yuri the Premier aka Phil the Phantasmic took over from Malik and bowled 8 overs of his phantasm. From the other end John Hirst aka Yankers aka John the Jostler made his debut of the season and bowled 6 overs in great style. The first breakthrough came in the 13th over when he bowled a beautiful delivery which beat Stocko to hit his leg stump. Yuri then took over in the 14th over by taking the wicket of Leo Popplewell-Cocklewell which was wonderfully caught by Dacha. Not satisfied with this he then bowled Stuart Bamford (Bam Bam) in his next over (16th over). The batsman was not happy about this dismissal labelling it a ‘Dambusters bouncing bomb delivery’ and East – West tension started to grow, but it was upheld by the umpire and the rule book. [Ed: Comrades,we were wrong: Cricket law 21  ] We must make amends.

Tom Hodder aka Hodderoff aka Tom the Terrible took over from Yankers. Instead of his normal medium fast deliveries he bowled spin today with devastating effect. In a spectacular performance he took 4 wickets. In the 23rd over at his second delivery he felled the mighty Don Ewing with a top catch from Dan March aka Soldya aka Dan the Dastardly. Don had scored 43 runs in a well measured innings. Over his remaining 5 overs Tom bowled out the VCC captain Dan Benn with a beautiful delivery, and then went on to bowl Kiki Fish and Gibson. Well done Hodderoff, a great performance and also many Happy Returns for your birthday yesterday! Soldya then took over the bowling from Phil the Phantasmic and bowled 5 overs of magic and mystery, beguiling the batsman so they found it hard to play him. He took the wicket of Dave Wilcox LBW in a decision that even umpire Stocko could not refuse, putting to an end his 30 run reign.

Dacha and Malik returned again to finish off the opposition, Dacha bowling out the final 2 batsmen Yorke and Western like a warm knife through butter. I would also like to note that amidst the usual strong fielding performances, of note was Malcom Hercus aka Malkovich aka Malcolm the Murderer who put in a fantastic effort in speed, agility, and a desire to win. Also well done to Peter Brandon aka Brandonovski aka Peter the Poker aka the mighty stumper for his efforts as wicket keeper.

VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.

Soldya was suffering for his art

After the tea break SCC opening batsmen Vlad the Impaler and Tom the Terrible took to the field. Vlad had put Tom in to open as a belated birthday present, but would it be a poisoned chalice? He himself felt tired after 40 overs in the hot field attempting to make the correct decisions. The captain’s advice was slow and steady, 4 runs per over, doable, but we would have to work for it. Sadly neither the captain at number 1 nor Tom the Terrible at number 2 heeded this advice, swinging at the ball with 4’s and 6’s in what would normally have been a time to see themselves in. The VCC opening bowlers Don Ewing and Stuart Bamford were not to be taken lightly, but somehow the openers got away with this tactic for 11 overs gaining a partnership of 74 runs before Hodderoff was finally bowled out by spinner Gibson for an impressive 30 runs. Malik the Magnificent came in next and scored a lovely timed 4 off a delivery that was headed for middle stump. Sadly Gibson the spinner struck again and bowled Malik shortly after with Malik getting an inside edge onto the stumps. Jonty vice Captain aka Walrus aka Jonty the Jugular then came in to bat amidst boos and bronx cheers from the VCC who accused him of turncoat tendencies. So keen was he to get off the mark and not be out for a duck to the VCC that he sped his first run at a pace which would have had Usain Bolt pulling hamstrings in both legs, and Vlad the Inhaler had to rift himself with all speed to avoid a runout. After this hurdle was over, Jonty endured the VCC banter, and although being bowled by Bam Bam for only 3 runs, he solidified his position and maintained his honour. Yankers was next to come in and scored a superb 24 runs over most of the rest of the innings, including a 6 for good measure, eventually being stumped off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. However, the run rate had slowed down by this point as the SCC hit a sticky session, and it looked like we were running out of time. Dacha scored 6 runs including a 4 and a 2 in a short but valiant attempt to heal the rot before being bowled by Popplewell-Cocklewell, with Soldya unfortunately falling to the same fate shortly after. Brandonovski was bowled by Bam Bam for 2 runs in another attempt at a solidifying innings. Malkovich then came in to play some beautiful strokes, scoring 7 runs all off singles, finally caught off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. Andrew Foster aka Andreivitch aka Andrew the Arranger at 10 was then out bowled first ball from Yorke’s delivery, in his debut batting performance for the SCC (a good communist beginning). Phil the Phantasmic came in at number 11, but too late, and retired at 0 not out.

SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. Therefore VCC won by 27 runs.

A good effort, comrades, not quite enough to beat the capitalists, but every cloud has a silver lining and our loss may have lessened somewhat the East – West tension. Some teams are guilty of the sack of curts title, but hopefully not the SCC. Last year we won, this year we lost. We live to fight another day. Onwards and upwards Comrades! I would like to nominate as man of the match Tom Holder / Hodderoff / Tom the Terrible for a magnificent 4 wickets and 30 runs!