Before I go on to mention that the captain’s report is missing because it was never submitted, may I say that the captain on the day was Jontin!

If anybody has specific memories of this match, I beg you to submit them. Otherwise the scorecard is below and a picture too.



Comrade Soldya Crispypants and new blood, comrade Stephen Mead. The match is over, the scorebook shut. The pub is open, expand one’s gut. Poetry is poor as I write these Lines but don’t play cricket on a field of mines. 




MATCH REPORT: SCC v VCC 6th May 2018 – Hampstead Heath

VCC won by 27 runs.
VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.
SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. 

SCC v VCC at Hampstead Heath Extension on Sun 6 May 18

Captain’s Match Report written by Comrade Vladimir Boringski aka Charlie Richards aka Charlie the Choker.

It was that time of year again when we take on our capitalist rivals the VCC. It was a hot day again this year, although not quite as warm as the sweltering heat wave we battled through in June last year.

Hampstead Heath extension

Captain Vlad aka Charlie the Choker won the toss against VCC Captain Dan Benn and decided to field first in a game of 40 overs each way. As we took to the field Martin Stockman (Stocko) and Don Ewing of the VCC were the first batsman to appear at the crease. Malik Suleman aka Malikski aka Malik the Magnificent was our first attack bowler to charge at the VCC, pounding the ball down with all of his usual vigour, speed and swerve to try to outflank the capitalists. 5 overs of the best he gave, and almost got Don Ewing’s wicket, but unfortunately Vlad dropped a catch hard pelted against him at silly mid off. Dan Woodhouse aka Dacha aka Dangerous Dan gave 5 overs of the best from the other end. Shortly before the 10th over was bowled SCC newcomer Alex Williams aka Alex the Avenger sustained an injury, dislocating his shoulder as he valiantly raced to save a boundary ball. He was ubered off to hospital, and we had a break for drinks. Get well soon Alex! Andrew Foster 12th man stepped in to the breach.

Back on the field again Phil Richardson aka Yuri the Premier aka Phil the Phantasmic took over from Malik and bowled 8 overs of his phantasm. From the other end John Hirst aka Yankers aka John the Jostler made his debut of the season and bowled 6 overs in great style. The first breakthrough came in the 13th over when he bowled a beautiful delivery which beat Stocko to hit his leg stump. Yuri then took over in the 14th over by taking the wicket of Leo Popplewell-Cocklewell which was wonderfully caught by Dacha. Not satisfied with this he then bowled Stuart Bamford (Bam Bam) in his next over (16th over). The batsman was not happy about this dismissal labelling it a ‘Dambusters bouncing bomb delivery’ and East – West tension started to grow, but it was upheld by the umpire and the rule book. [Ed: Comrades,we were wrong: Cricket law 21  ] We must make amends.

Tom Hodder aka Hodderoff aka Tom the Terrible took over from Yankers. Instead of his normal medium fast deliveries he bowled spin today with devastating effect. In a spectacular performance he took 4 wickets. In the 23rd over at his second delivery he felled the mighty Don Ewing with a top catch from Dan March aka Soldya aka Dan the Dastardly. Don had scored 43 runs in a well measured innings. Over his remaining 5 overs Tom bowled out the VCC captain Dan Benn with a beautiful delivery, and then went on to bowl Kiki Fish and Gibson. Well done Hodderoff, a great performance and also many Happy Returns for your birthday yesterday! Soldya then took over the bowling from Phil the Phantasmic and bowled 5 overs of magic and mystery, beguiling the batsman so they found it hard to play him. He took the wicket of Dave Wilcox LBW in a decision that even umpire Stocko could not refuse, putting to an end his 30 run reign.

Dacha and Malik returned again to finish off the opposition, Dacha bowling out the final 2 batsmen Yorke and Western like a warm knife through butter. I would also like to note that amidst the usual strong fielding performances, of note was Malcom Hercus aka Malkovich aka Malcolm the Murderer who put in a fantastic effort in speed, agility, and a desire to win. Also well done to Peter Brandon aka Brandonovski aka Peter the Poker aka the mighty stumper for his efforts as wicket keeper.

VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.

Soldya was suffering for his art

After the tea break SCC opening batsmen Vlad the Impaler and Tom the Terrible took to the field. Vlad had put Tom in to open as a belated birthday present, but would it be a poisoned chalice? He himself felt tired after 40 overs in the hot field attempting to make the correct decisions. The captain’s advice was slow and steady, 4 runs per over, doable, but we would have to work for it. Sadly neither the captain at number 1 nor Tom the Terrible at number 2 heeded this advice, swinging at the ball with 4’s and 6’s in what would normally have been a time to see themselves in. The VCC opening bowlers Don Ewing and Stuart Bamford were not to be taken lightly, but somehow the openers got away with this tactic for 11 overs gaining a partnership of 74 runs before Hodderoff was finally bowled out by spinner Gibson for an impressive 30 runs. Malik the Magnificent came in next and scored a lovely timed 4 off a delivery that was headed for middle stump. Sadly Gibson the spinner struck again and bowled Malik shortly after with Malik getting an inside edge onto the stumps. Jonty vice Captain aka Walrus aka Jonty the Jugular then came in to bat amidst boos and bronx cheers from the VCC who accused him of turncoat tendencies. So keen was he to get off the mark and not be out for a duck to the VCC that he sped his first run at a pace which would have had Usain Bolt pulling hamstrings in both legs, and Vlad the Inhaler had to rift himself with all speed to avoid a runout. After this hurdle was over, Jonty endured the VCC banter, and although being bowled by Bam Bam for only 3 runs, he solidified his position and maintained his honour. Yankers was next to come in and scored a superb 24 runs over most of the rest of the innings, including a 6 for good measure, eventually being stumped off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. However, the run rate had slowed down by this point as the SCC hit a sticky session, and it looked like we were running out of time. Dacha scored 6 runs including a 4 and a 2 in a short but valiant attempt to heal the rot before being bowled by Popplewell-Cocklewell, with Soldya unfortunately falling to the same fate shortly after. Brandonovski was bowled by Bam Bam for 2 runs in another attempt at a solidifying innings. Malkovich then came in to play some beautiful strokes, scoring 7 runs all off singles, finally caught off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. Andrew Foster aka Andreivitch aka Andrew the Arranger at 10 was then out bowled first ball from Yorke’s delivery, in his debut batting performance for the SCC (a good communist beginning). Phil the Phantasmic came in at number 11, but too late, and retired at 0 not out.

SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. Therefore VCC won by 27 runs.

A good effort, comrades, not quite enough to beat the capitalists, but every cloud has a silver lining and our loss may have lessened somewhat the East – West tension. Some teams are guilty of the sack of curts title, but hopefully not the SCC. Last year we won, this year we lost. We live to fight another day. Onwards and upwards Comrades! I would like to nominate as man of the match Tom Holder / Hodderoff / Tom the Terrible for a magnificent 4 wickets and 30 runs!




SCC Victors at LHCC 2018

Alas, extracting match reports from captains is as hard as a similar dental removal I recently had. Crunchy, gritty sounding and arduous. So here is an abridged match report and not wanting to name names, it was Jontin who was the captain.

Ley Hill won the toss and through themselves into batting first, in a kind of gay abandon we heartily admire. LOWN and McHUGH. Bish bash bosh and Yuri (’tis I) Snaffle a wicket. I stopped thinking so much and just stared at the stumps, all of the way through delivery. Hence SUSSUM came into bat. He was barely there before being caught off Suleman. Indeed Malikovich Suleman snaffled a further wicket with another catch. Bish bash bosh. Three more wickets for Yuri and catches and stumps. The kind of session in the field that leaves one… husky, stunned and proud. Hodderoff, Dacha and Goodman (new blood) also got wickets and at the end of the Ley Hill innings, they were all out for 119 off 34.2 overs.

A collective ‘gosh’ was raised amongst the collective but nothing is ever predictable, eh comrades? Tea was had vigorously. All very nice, struggling to remember my high point, all consumed. 
And now, in a break from all normal manner of things and without any fair warning or expectation of change, the match report for the second half will come in the form of commentary from the match and a succession of almost meaningless textual coughs.




SCC AGM 2018

SCC AGM Minutes 8th February 2018

Those present:

Malikovich (wants new comrade name)
Malkovich (happy with comrade name)

new blood: Alex (Alexei) Williams

Those unable to attend who sent apologies:

Brandonovski – summoned to gulag
Yankerov – summoned to gulag
Ruboneoff – escaping gulag


1. The Premier’s Opening Address : Yuri noted that a quorum was present at the Lord’s Tavern. A toast was made to absent friends.

2. Treasurer
In Brandonovski’s absence a coup was staged by Malkovich to be the new Party Treasurer – this was seconded by Soldya, 3rded by Dacha and unanimously agreed upon by those in attendance – and by Brandonovski in absentia.

Soldya and Bogey licker

Malkovich is hereby named as the NEW TREASURER of the SCC.

Points noted by and for the New Treasurer:

i) He needs access to the account
ii) He needs the PIN for the SCC card.
iii) Any Quartermaster/Serious Cricket kit monies to be transferred to SCC account.
iv) Membership fees to remain at £50
v) New Members to have a one off reduced membership fee of £25 for the first year.
vi) Necessity for a Portable Defibrillator – Treasurer to look into costs of hiring one vs purchasing one.

New blood, Alex Williams

3. Fixtures:
In the absence of the Fixtures Secretary it was noted that he had once again put together an excellent fixture list but we made a note not to tell him this.

Suggestion was made for Brandonovski to look into one or two 20/20 fixtures as a mid-week evening fixture is always nice – perhaps v. Wenlock Arms?

4. Quartermaster:

All SCC members to have AT LEAST the standard SCC top as a minimum kit requirement.

5. Captains’ reports:
Jontin entertained all with a potted summary of the assembled team members’ strengths and weaknesses – videos to follow.

Discussions centred around the possibility of Jontin captaining roughly half the fixtures and mentoring others to captain the remaining matches.

The emphasis should be on enjoyment but with a competitive spirit, in the words of the Great Walrus himself:
“It’s that people enjoy it, that’s the key. Not winning at all costs. We’re here to enjoy and have fun but it’s nice to push yourself and win too”

Treasurer Malkovich added that his biggest frustration was an occasional defeatist attitude which must be eradicated if we are to achieve our Five Year Plan.

Jontin on teamwork:
“I would always spread it around”

I’m jolly Jontin

Jontin on team banter:
“We need the spunk”

Jontin on – erm, not quite sure what he was talking about but he said this:
“I will always push myself hard to get into a good position, getting the balance right and having a good time”


Yuri Pedeez (Phil) expects and requests somebody to step up as potential premier for the 2019 season. This will still go to vote and Yuri will stand too but hopes that there shall be scope for variety going forward as he shall not always be living in London or available to premier.

Team to make extra effort to keep the energy up – especially in the last ten overs
Banter & Team morale to be a priority this season.

We have a tablet – Phil brings it to every game – let’s use it!!
Help each other, coach those who don’t know on umpiring rules & regs.

WoodDacha to make a one page handy doc that has all field placings and key umpiring regs (hand signals & lbw rule basics).

Social Diary – a date to be fixed for New Members’ Drinks.

Phil has a massive kit bag.

CLOSED AT 21:52.

SCC 2017 awards night glory

Comrade commissar Brandonovski

Awards night comes around so quickly. The season is barely in full swing before we’re stopped and reminiscing on our failings and our victories. Twas ever such. 

The venue this year was the Lord’s Tavern which sits within a quick single of the Mecca of British cricket and we were warmly welcomed add had a fabulous night. 

As you can see, the main event was the award of the Cobramovich trophy, the comrades’ comrade samovar, to Brandonovski. Aka Pete Brandon. The result was a clear win for him and we all celebrate his success… he was decidedly gooey! Congratulations from us all Brandonivski.

Other winners on the night were the recipients of the SCC certificates of merit for their season’s achievements. They were…

Best keeping – Brandonovski (Pete Brandon)

Most improved – Malkovich (Malcolm Hercus)

Most runs – Vlad (Charlie Richards)

Most wickets – Yuri P (Philip Richardson)

Captaincy merit – Dacha (Dan Woodhouse)

Well done all comrades!

Semper sodales, fors et victores!!





MCC win

Captain’s Match Report written by Comrade Vladimir Boringski.

I was honoured to be asked by the premier to captain this match against our old friends the Maharajah’s CC after having already had the honour of captaining at the previous game against our even closer friends the VCC on the Hampstead Heath Extension 2 weeks earlier on Sun 18 June.  On that occasion it was exceedingly hot so we limited ourselves to 30 overs each way.  The Walrus, captain of the VCC, was initially lured into deceptive measures to gain early advantage by claiming to win the toss when he had lost it, but luckily deep down in that capitalist scheming mind, the days of playing for the communists jolted his conscience and he yielded the decision to the Vladinator.   That match has already been reported in Soldya’s stylish Lewis Carroll-esque poetic lines, but suffice it to say it was a great and honourable performance by the SCC – a great effort by all the comrades struggling valiantly against the heat to come away with not only a moral victory, but an actual one as well. 

Returning to the present and on the day of this match against the Maharajah’s CC it was a very close run thing.  With only a few days to go we were worryingly low on numbers, only having 7 comrades on the sheet, and I was dreading the awful text from the premier to suggest we cancel the match.  I hoped for the best and luckily the premier stood by his guns and called the match on.  Rob Muller, previously an empirical capitalist from the VCC offered his services, and then Malik friend of Malkovitch stepped in as well.  Even the opposition lent us a player – Ollie Turtle nicknamed Turtleski, which boosted our numbers to 10 – game on!

On journeying to the field of battle with comrade Malkovitch we discussed team tactics, the RAF and even the joys of life in Fifeshire.  This particular ground at Stoke Row is dashed difficult to find, being hidden away, so the first challenge facing the comrades was to actually get there.   Comrade Vladimir lost the toss and The Maharajah’s CC elected to bat first.  The brave comrades of the SCC were still only at 9, feeling keenly the loss of our premier and opening bowler, but decided so start anyway, and The Maharajah’s, captained by the honourable Matt Kimber, lent us a fielder for the duration of our fielding session.

MAHAS CC v SCC – just lovely

Ex-capitalist Rob Muller, now christened Comrade Robski (not to be confused with the inimitable Rob Dixon), valiantly offered his services to keep wicket and with 1 man down Comrade Chipmunski stepped to the crease to take the opening over.  He bowled his maximum of 8 overs, during 2 spells, and in spite of the fact he did not manage to take a wicket, the Chipmunkski magic was evident throughout and there were a few close shaves which could easily have gone his way if fate had taken a different turn.  His bowling figures were 8 overs for 48 runs, giving away exactly 1 run per ball in Chipmunski precision.  Malik, now christened comrade Malikski, took the 2nd over, and in spite of his lengthily absence from cricket, swung the ball with such fervour that batsman, wicket keeper and first slip alike felt quite dizzy.  During his 2 spells totalling 8 overs he claimed 2 victims, both of the opening batsmen – George Lee and D.Watts, who had to be taken to counselling and hospital treatment for vision re-correction.  Both fell for 11 runs apiece.  George Lee was seen off by a beautiful ball rising to caress the top of the off stump and remove the bail in text book fashion.  D.Watts was caught by a frankly spectacular catch by Comrade Harriski, whose fielding performance during the game was nothing less than outstanding.  Comrade Malikski’s figures were 8 overs, 2 wickets for 60 runs.  Bowler number 3 was Comrade commissar Premier Yuri Pedez.  Arriving late for the game affected his performance considerably, and he did some proper damage to the opposition.  We must note to request that he arrives late more often in future.  During his 8 overs he took 4 wickets for 50 runs, an average of 12.5 runs per wicket, extremely impressive, and surely a candidate for the people’s choice man of the match!  He required no assistance from the comrades, clean bowling all of his victims, with lashings of the Yuri brilliance.  Sam Kimber, son of captain Matthew Kimber, went for 23 and Charlie wicket keeper for 25.  He later dispatched James Watts for a duck and Alan May for 5.  Bowler 4 was comrade Turtleski who put up a good performance in his 8 overs, despite being lent to us from the opposition.  Although he did not take a wicket, his figures were a respectable 8 overs for 44 runs.  Bowler 5 was comrade Malkovitch who distinguished himself very greatly during this game and who is also in line for the people’s choice man of the match.  During his 4 overs his figures were 1 for 22, dispatching Dan May for only 1 run to a good catch caught by Turtleski.  Bowler 6 was the Great Sewelski, who really put his all into this game.  His bowling statistics were 0 wickets for 15 runs during 2 overs, which is perfectly acceptable considering the batsmen at this point were taking no prisoners.  His vocal and acrobatic displays, not to mention the extraordinary effects he managed with the ball in jaw dropping gravity defying manoeuvres, made this a colourful 2 overs.  As a side note his fielding was also highly commendable, the majority of the balls during the game being hit at him.  The comrades wondered whether the opposition had planned this in advance.  Bowler 7 was Comrade Harriski who bowled a delightful and elegant 2 overs, claiming the wicket of Nathan May who had scored 11 runs.  This was a fantastic caught and bowled operation which was extremely commendable.  Comrade Harriski and Comrade Malikski therefore join the exclusive club for getting out batsmen for exactly 11 runs.

During the opposition’s batting innings it must be noted that Scott Harris scored a very impressive 125 runs not out, at which point her retired.  We nearly got him for 10, but as he lofted the ball in the air, it landed between 3 of our comrades who all endeavoured to catch it, but all 3 met in the middle and the ball hit the ground – bowling comrade Malikski, comrade Owenov, and opposition lent fielder Fnu Snu, who perhaps was secretly working this outcome.  It could be said that comrade Malikski thought it improper to get a man out on 10 runs, he would need to wait until he had achieved 1 more run before making the strike.  Perhaps therefore if the batsmen had crossed while the ball was in the air the result may have been different.  The tail end batsmen Andy Watts and captain Matt Kimber scored 12 and 13 respectively not out.  The Maharajah’s CC scored 268 runs in their 40 over innings for the loss of 8 wickets, leaving the comrades a tough challenge of 6.7 runs per over to win.  It was reported that the captain at this point said we didn’t stand a chance in xxx of winning the game, but this is pure speculation and he stands by his position of declaring it to be a tough challenge.

After a healthy match tea, the comrades took up the batting challenge.  Comrade Vlad faced the first ball and during the consequent overs managed to edge his way up to 46 runs before lofting a catch up off the tempting bowling of opposition captain Matthew Kimber to Andy Watts at mid off.  Other opening batsman Harris was sadly bowled by Jamie Watts, who in spite of his small size was a force to be reckoned with.  Even batsman number 3, The Great Sewelski, could not endure him and was dismissed LBW for 1 run.  Batsman 4 Malkovitch played the innings of his life, scoring an outstanding 50 runs not out.  The last run was scored on the last ball of the match, the honourable opposition member fielding at square leg taking slightly longer to pick up the ball than necessary in a gallant gesture to help crown comrade Malkovitch’s excellent performance and put the icing on the cake.  Batsmen 5 and 6, Comrades Malikski and Turtleski sadly fell in quick succession for 0 runs apiece, to the charms of opposition captain Matt Kimber, the tempter, who had also dispelled the Vladinator.  They were caught by family members Dan May and Nathan May respectively.  Robski batsman 7 put up a brave fight and scored 14 runs, but was caught by Alan May off D.Watts bowling.  Batsman 8 Comrade Owenoff was caught and bowled for 1 run off D.Watts, while batsman 9 comrade Chipmunski managed 4 runs before being bowled by Jamie Watts.  Last but not least comrade commissar premier Yuri batsman 10 notched up 4 runs not out, scoring neatly 1 run for every wicket he had taken.

We lost the match, comrades, but it was a victory that we made up the numbers in the nick of time, avoiding the awful situation of having to cancel the game.  The opposition were good sports, in spite of some over exuberant behaviour by some of the younger members, and a fixture I hope we can maintain for many years to come.  As captain, I said that if we could make 150 runs in our innings I would be happy.  People say be careful what you say, it may just happen.  At the end of our innings we had scored exactly 150 runs, comrade Malkovitch had just reached his 50 in the last ball of the game, and honour was maintained.  Splendid!

It must be noted that the opposition captain Matt Kimber said that playing the SCC is the Maharajah’s favourite fixture of the year.  If this isn’t a victory, comrades, I don’t know what is.  Royalty rubbing shoulders with communists hails the beginning of a new era.  I thank you all for a fine performance, an enjoyable afternoon and a credit to the Russian communist revolution!

Getting late



MATCH REPORT – VCC v SCC – 18th June 2017


5 wickets, 139 in 24 overs
VCC running 138 in 30 overs

Comrades, vice-captain on the day, Soldya (Dan March) presents you with his lyrical match report:

In homage to Lewis Carroll please find a match report in verse:

18th June. Hampstead Heath.

The Walrus & the Vladinator.

Hampstead Heath Extension

The sun was shining on the Heath,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The willows smooth and bright–
And this was odd, because it was
mid- June, which is normally shite.

The VCC was whining sulkily,
Because they thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After play had begun–
“It’s very rude of him,” they said,
“To come and spoil the fun!”

Dacha was fast as fast could be,
Soldya was slow as slow.
You could not see a run because
No run came from willow:
No sixes were flying overhead–
There were no sixes for show.

The Walrus and the Wazza
Started to make a stand:
But Wazza wept like anything to see
Malky’s slip catch go to hand:
“If he had, what I like to call, dropped it,”
Walrus said, “it would be grand!”

“0 Simon, come and bat with us!”
The Walrus did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant run,
Along the green-grass pitch:
We can do with many a four,
To put us out of reach.”

The future SCC bat did look at him,
But never a word said he;
The future Commie winked his eye,
And shook his Newbury–
Meaning to say he did not choose
To sign up for the VCC.

As forty one runs Si hurried up,
the Walrus in the heat –
His face all flushed, his whites all crushed,
retired, on twenty nine, dead beat,—
Then he lay down under the marquee,
A big, slab of Capitalist meat.

Dacha – Nippling cricketer

Another wicket fell to Dacha’s blast,
Lbw Willcox for six, no more;
And thick and fast they came at last,
Si caught Will bowled Yuri, hear the roar!
All running to congratulate the catch,
And the slowing of the score.

The Walrus still lay prone
As Malky’s maiden wicket struck,
Cem for two runs alone
Pouched Harrison with skill not luck:
And all the little VCC’s stood
And muttered a silent ‘fuck’.

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of, what I call, spikes–and slips–and linseed-wax–
Of dot balls–and stumpings–
And why Hampstead’s boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

“But wait a bit,” the VCC cried,
“Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And the Don is yet to bat!”
“No hurry!” said the Charlie.
They thanked him much for that.

“The SCC are falling apart,” the Walrus cried,
Sewelleski bowling with grunts and width:
Don racking up fifteen runs
Looking for a sixteenth–
Then Yuri returning to the fray,
Bowled him – the man, the myth.

Steve and Darren completed the score,
1-3-8 the total to chase.
After such fielding, and bowling
Not one SCC did disgrace
“The score is fine,” the Walrus said,
Sweat pouring from his face.

And so t’was time for tea to come!
The sarnies were very nice!
The players said nothing but
“Water please with extra ice!”
The sun still blazed upon them all–
Sunburn (and match fee) their price.

“It seems a shame,” the Brando said,
“To play them such a trick.
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And got them out so quick!”
The Walrus said nothing but
“My head feels what I call, very thick!”

And so the Vlad and Analich
Strode manly to the crease
The Anal one returning soon
His bails had been released
The Don had bowled him by surprise
At zero his score did cease.

Henry Kelly enjoys a
drink – remember him?

Commie Vlad batted valiantly on
Young Harrison by his side
A mop of hair, nine runs, then out,
So Malkovich to the middle did stride
Off the mark – the joy -then Wazza -oh boy,
The death rattle – Malky’s innings died.

As Vlad stroked eleven glorious fours
Brando arrived just oozing ‘cricket’!
Taking guard, imperious, such confidence
Blocking two, just the ticket.
Then Wazza once more (future SCC for sure)
Got our comrade leg before wicket (and very plum!)

Ah Sewellski – wielding bat like twig
A four, three more, then woe!
Willcox turned him inside out
And back to the marquee he must go.
Seventy for five. Things not looking great.
Young Ruboneoff entered the show.

“I weep for me,” the Walrus said:
“I deeply sympathize.”
With sobs and tears from his sick bed
He saw the Commie total rise,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.

“O Commies,” said the VCC,
“You’ve hit another run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer came there none–
And this was scarcely odd, because
The SCC had absolutely battered them – Yes. WE’D WON!

SCC Victors and the VCC
18 June 2017


Comrades, the VCC scoring of our bowling is really a bit of a mess and overs have been attributed all over the place. PLEASE advise me of your corrections ASAP!


VCC v SCC 18 June 2017
SCC Innings


VCC v SCC 18 June 2017
VCC innings




Comrades! The pilgrimage to Chiswick is always worth it. Yes, the ground is pricey, the pub is distant and the boundary a killing field of lost balls, but it always seems worth it. The Musicians Cricket Alliance were the oppo today and we had a good team turn out. In the absence of Yuri at the very beginning, Dacha strolled out for the toss and we were batting first. A bright day with a dry wicket, still small tufts of green.

Openers were VLAD and ANALITCH (Charlie Richards and Russell Townley). What was enjoyable about managing the team for this fixture was that it appeared to have some depth to it. A good selection of bats and bowlers. And we opened well, steady and determined – aiming for the 70s at drinks.

Brando and Vlad

Four overs in and the rate was slowly increasing and the eyes a little less skittish. But the first ball of the fifth over and Analitch was caught behind off Howell’s. A sad early stroll for the Itcher but as it turned out, the wicky was their best all rounder and was so close to the stumps, he was tickling the wood with his minge.

On strolls Brandonovski (Peter Brandon) and we settle in for a most enjoyable and invigorating partnership. “By ‘eck” – they worked so hard those two. A knock here, a pat there, a drive. The whole panoply of batting was exhibited for the exultant audience. Even the sun was battling it’s way through to have a look. The excited all as they drove passed the 70s and the heat was on, could be beat 100 before drinks – last couple of balls to go and VLAD slaps a stonking six and we broke at 102. ONE HUNDRED AT TWO at drinks!!! 

The next over sadly saw the partnership close for 94 and VLAD stroll back manfully with 65 runs, caught Knight off Menon. HUZZZAAAHHHH comrade Vlad! 

Brando Vlad Superb Sewelski scored a manly 16 and Brando slid gracefully up to 40 before being bowled Menon. Dacha bashed out a useful 18 before being bowled Roberts and we must mention that Samovar was powerful in the middle-order producing 24 not out whilst those at the other end went quickly. And so as we went to tea we were at 213 off 38 overs – for the SCC, not bad at all.

For their innings, Fraser and Foster came in and that was it, really. They stayed in. Blooming hell we chucked it all at them and I must confess that even I was getting down-hearted as I failed to break through – even to miss. They were very tight and very good. Finally Fraser was caught off Soldya for 105 and let Salisbury in to get 8. Both he and Foster not-out. The latter getting 89! They beat us 9 wickets and 12 overs.

They were good. They were good!


MATCH REPORT – PSCC v SCC – 20th May 2017

Another damp patch


With the lack of a proper match report and my absence (Yuri) from the match itself, I have collated facebook comments that in some way illustrate this most damp of matches!
Charlie Richards It may have been damp, Mighty Stumper Pete Brandon, but was it moist??
Jonathan Savitt
Jonathan Savitt: A game like no other
Report in many halves
We lost in unique manner
Never happened before in my cricket life
Rain, sun, wind and dropped catches
Simple but nice Simon dropped the pie three times. His rugby skills failed him
Jonty ran out Pete who played beautifully. His new bat a treat but his legs….limited movement up the pitch for a slow single !!!!! My error for sure.
Tea taken at 2.15 !!!!! Or was it lunch
Penn st are great chaps for making a new format of a match which might have ended at 4.15

MATCH REPORT – SCC versus XILES CC – 7thMay 2017

XCC win by 10 overs
285 to 122

This home match for the SCC was interestingly played in Brighton. Patcham to be exact. We had hoped to play at St.James Montefiore but this was not to be. We may discount that pitch for future fixtures. But The Xiles CC kindly agreed to do a tea for us and we were soon all struggling to park at Patcham cricket pitch. There was then a small dilemma of having to unscrew the padlock from the door of the pavilion but we were soon in and the day stretched out before us like a heavy sea – much the same in shape as the pitch!

PAWS for applause

Dacha (Dan Woodhouse) was keen and eager to skipper us through this one and in his capable hands we were fielding first. Their opening pair of Scolze(?) and Hannant were not easy to shift. We kept their run rate as low as we could by opening with some zip from Ruboneoff  (Will Roberts) and Yuri’s lugubrious lobbing. Not easy and not always pleasant as they plugged away a refused to get out. Finally Yuri slid a long one up the leg of Hanant and took out the stump to boot. But all that did was release a the Hooper we know as Hooperoff. 

Stumped by Brandonovski

Bowling rotated to bring in Hodderoff and Chipmonkski. The run rate was beginning to rise, less due to the bowling but more the eyes snapping in as the overs progressed. But on we battled. Hodderoff exchanged in the bowling and Daggers comes in from the North end. So nice to see his flicky little wristy action. This proves enough and a smashing ball zips past a Scolze who was strolling down to smack it. Brandonovski wasn’t going to have that and with both hands clasped on the ball, he clatters the stumps down. Lovely. 

But that was the last wicket to fall. Bailey was walking out to bat and even swinging as he did so. Sadly this continued through his innings. He scored 118 and Hooper retired injured with 52 to bring on Hatrey who also added 31. We chucked all manner of things at them, even Skipper Dacha, who has a broken arm still in recovery. But it was that Bailey that did the damage. Psychology is a powerful mistress, I feel chins were heavier. At drinks it looked alright, at tea it looked ridiculous.

Patcham Cricket Pitch

Tea completed, we needed to set up a steady ship and bat liked we meant to draw. An option left open for us! Our openers were to the field, Vlad (Charlie Richards) and Ruboneoff (Will Roberts). This opening partnership were both surprising, different but delightfully ‘in’. Vlad was well off-book and knew his orders well. Dorothy and tactical runs were his bread and butter. Ruboneoff had us all frightened at first as her clattered shots about and ran with astonishing vigour, was he playing too aggressively? Not really, he worked hard at it and stayed in! Great stuff. Indeed our openers got through over 60 balls before Tulley forced a catch from Ruboneoff, exiting with 20 runs. The catch was actually not an easy over head two hander at a close mid-wicket.

On comes Dagleyev (Neil Dagley). He and Vlad set up shop. A partnership of 7 overs. Dagleyev is always a splendid watch and was keen to push the score up safely. He had his eye settling in on this raggedy wicket and with 20 to his name, slapped away a beefy stroke to the deep off. But Deep point man, JD (Hartley) collected it and Dagleyev was off and Brandonovski on.

Kathick was bowling well enough and he finally got our man, Vlad caught behind for 35. But great stability from our man from the steps and there for the first 21 overs is the kind of solidity we need to foster – not fester! Simon Woods, our new blood and his first game, then joined us. He had some very nice strokes on display but suddenly Brandonovski was walking home. A bouncier delivery from Kathick and straight onto his finger. It pitched up and was caught. Brando home for 5.

Hodderoff pads up

Owenoff was valiantly in and out, aureum anatis. Woods out next ball with a balletic LBW for 5. Yes comrades, the SCC disease was upon us! Hodderoff was there and the new replacement was Sewelski. Cometh the hour, cometh the birthday boy. His ninety three years barely showing as he opened up with two runs and all this despite a variety of bodily injuries. A few balls in and a sweeping hook brought a boundary 4 at fine leg for the celebrating, Sewelski. Birthday congrats! However just before that, Hodderoff hand his stumps removed by Karthick for 4. Then in a snap Sewelski was LBW for a very useful 10 runs.

Skipper Dacha (Dan Woodhouse) and Chipmonkski were now holding fort. But not for too long either. Dacha worried away a nice 13 but was then bowled by Matt and so the brothers, Yuir and Chip were there together – briefly. Not known for his skills with the bat, a little nick scored him a single before running for a second he was run-out off Matt.

There is no pretending it was close. We were whooped. Bailey was a very good bat and despite a reasonable bowling field, we couldn’t get to his stumps. We need to make sure that our bowling line-up ‘thinks’ some wickets – take a breath before running. We also suffered our frequent batting collapse. But in the old days, it wasn’t frequent, it was usual. So that’s good! Thank you Skipper, Dacha, all comrades and all PAWS – and thank you Xiles CC

Do Svidaniya!