Tag: cricket



Before I go on to mention that the captain’s report is missing because it was never submitted, may I say that the captain on the day was Jontin!

If anybody has specific memories of this match, I beg you to submit them. Otherwise the scorecard is below and a picture too.



Comrade Soldya Crispypants and new blood, comrade Stephen Mead. The match is over, the scorebook shut. The pub is open, expand one’s gut. Poetry is poor as I write these Lines but don’t play cricket on a field of mines. 




MATCH REPORT: SCC v VCC 6th May 2018 – Hampstead Heath

VCC won by 27 runs.
VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.
SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. 

SCC v VCC at Hampstead Heath Extension on Sun 6 May 18

Captain’s Match Report written by Comrade Vladimir Boringski aka Charlie Richards aka Charlie the Choker.

It was that time of year again when we take on our capitalist rivals the VCC. It was a hot day again this year, although not quite as warm as the sweltering heat wave we battled through in June last year.

Hampstead Heath extension

Captain Vlad aka Charlie the Choker won the toss against VCC Captain Dan Benn and decided to field first in a game of 40 overs each way. As we took to the field Martin Stockman (Stocko) and Don Ewing of the VCC were the first batsman to appear at the crease. Malik Suleman aka Malikski aka Malik the Magnificent was our first attack bowler to charge at the VCC, pounding the ball down with all of his usual vigour, speed and swerve to try to outflank the capitalists. 5 overs of the best he gave, and almost got Don Ewing’s wicket, but unfortunately Vlad dropped a catch hard pelted against him at silly mid off. Dan Woodhouse aka Dacha aka Dangerous Dan gave 5 overs of the best from the other end. Shortly before the 10th over was bowled SCC newcomer Alex Williams aka Alex the Avenger sustained an injury, dislocating his shoulder as he valiantly raced to save a boundary ball. He was ubered off to hospital, and we had a break for drinks. Get well soon Alex! Andrew Foster 12th man stepped in to the breach.

Back on the field again Phil Richardson aka Yuri the Premier aka Phil the Phantasmic took over from Malik and bowled 8 overs of his phantasm. From the other end John Hirst aka Yankers aka John the Jostler made his debut of the season and bowled 6 overs in great style. The first breakthrough came in the 13th over when he bowled a beautiful delivery which beat Stocko to hit his leg stump. Yuri then took over in the 14th over by taking the wicket of Leo Popplewell-Cocklewell which was wonderfully caught by Dacha. Not satisfied with this he then bowled Stuart Bamford (Bam Bam) in his next over (16th over). The batsman was not happy about this dismissal labelling it a ‘Dambusters bouncing bomb delivery’ and East – West tension started to grow, but it was upheld by the umpire and the rule book. [Ed: Comrades,we were wrong: Cricket law 21  ] We must make amends.

Tom Hodder aka Hodderoff aka Tom the Terrible took over from Yankers. Instead of his normal medium fast deliveries he bowled spin today with devastating effect. In a spectacular performance he took 4 wickets. In the 23rd over at his second delivery he felled the mighty Don Ewing with a top catch from Dan March aka Soldya aka Dan the Dastardly. Don had scored 43 runs in a well measured innings. Over his remaining 5 overs Tom bowled out the VCC captain Dan Benn with a beautiful delivery, and then went on to bowl Kiki Fish and Gibson. Well done Hodderoff, a great performance and also many Happy Returns for your birthday yesterday! Soldya then took over the bowling from Phil the Phantasmic and bowled 5 overs of magic and mystery, beguiling the batsman so they found it hard to play him. He took the wicket of Dave Wilcox LBW in a decision that even umpire Stocko could not refuse, putting to an end his 30 run reign.

Dacha and Malik returned again to finish off the opposition, Dacha bowling out the final 2 batsmen Yorke and Western like a warm knife through butter. I would also like to note that amidst the usual strong fielding performances, of note was Malcom Hercus aka Malkovich aka Malcolm the Murderer who put in a fantastic effort in speed, agility, and a desire to win. Also well done to Peter Brandon aka Brandonovski aka Peter the Poker aka the mighty stumper for his efforts as wicket keeper.

VCC final score was 163 all out off 38 overs and 5 balls.

Soldya was suffering for his art

After the tea break SCC opening batsmen Vlad the Impaler and Tom the Terrible took to the field. Vlad had put Tom in to open as a belated birthday present, but would it be a poisoned chalice? He himself felt tired after 40 overs in the hot field attempting to make the correct decisions. The captain’s advice was slow and steady, 4 runs per over, doable, but we would have to work for it. Sadly neither the captain at number 1 nor Tom the Terrible at number 2 heeded this advice, swinging at the ball with 4’s and 6’s in what would normally have been a time to see themselves in. The VCC opening bowlers Don Ewing and Stuart Bamford were not to be taken lightly, but somehow the openers got away with this tactic for 11 overs gaining a partnership of 74 runs before Hodderoff was finally bowled out by spinner Gibson for an impressive 30 runs. Malik the Magnificent came in next and scored a lovely timed 4 off a delivery that was headed for middle stump. Sadly Gibson the spinner struck again and bowled Malik shortly after with Malik getting an inside edge onto the stumps. Jonty vice Captain aka Walrus aka Jonty the Jugular then came in to bat amidst boos and bronx cheers from the VCC who accused him of turncoat tendencies. So keen was he to get off the mark and not be out for a duck to the VCC that he sped his first run at a pace which would have had Usain Bolt pulling hamstrings in both legs, and Vlad the Inhaler had to rift himself with all speed to avoid a runout. After this hurdle was over, Jonty endured the VCC banter, and although being bowled by Bam Bam for only 3 runs, he solidified his position and maintained his honour. Yankers was next to come in and scored a superb 24 runs over most of the rest of the innings, including a 6 for good measure, eventually being stumped off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. However, the run rate had slowed down by this point as the SCC hit a sticky session, and it looked like we were running out of time. Dacha scored 6 runs including a 4 and a 2 in a short but valiant attempt to heal the rot before being bowled by Popplewell-Cocklewell, with Soldya unfortunately falling to the same fate shortly after. Brandonovski was bowled by Bam Bam for 2 runs in another attempt at a solidifying innings. Malkovich then came in to play some beautiful strokes, scoring 7 runs all off singles, finally caught off Popplewell-Cocklewell’s bowling. Andrew Foster aka Andreivitch aka Andrew the Arranger at 10 was then out bowled first ball from Yorke’s delivery, in his debut batting performance for the SCC (a good communist beginning). Phil the Phantasmic came in at number 11, but too late, and retired at 0 not out.

SCC final score 136 all out off 36 overs. Therefore VCC won by 27 runs.

A good effort, comrades, not quite enough to beat the capitalists, but every cloud has a silver lining and our loss may have lessened somewhat the East – West tension. Some teams are guilty of the sack of curts title, but hopefully not the SCC. Last year we won, this year we lost. We live to fight another day. Onwards and upwards Comrades! I would like to nominate as man of the match Tom Holder / Hodderoff / Tom the Terrible for a magnificent 4 wickets and 30 runs!




SCC Victors at LHCC 2018

Alas, extracting match reports from captains is as hard as a similar dental removal I recently had. Crunchy, gritty sounding and arduous. So here is an abridged match report and not wanting to name names, it was Jontin who was the captain.

Ley Hill won the toss and through themselves into batting first, in a kind of gay abandon we heartily admire. LOWN and McHUGH. Bish bash bosh and Yuri (’tis I) Snaffle a wicket. I stopped thinking so much and just stared at the stumps, all of the way through delivery. Hence SUSSUM came into bat. He was barely there before being caught off Suleman. Indeed Malikovich Suleman snaffled a further wicket with another catch. Bish bash bosh. Three more wickets for Yuri and catches and stumps. The kind of session in the field that leaves one… husky, stunned and proud. Hodderoff, Dacha and Goodman (new blood) also got wickets and at the end of the Ley Hill innings, they were all out for 119 off 34.2 overs.

A collective ‘gosh’ was raised amongst the collective but nothing is ever predictable, eh comrades? Tea was had vigorously. All very nice, struggling to remember my high point, all consumed. 
And now, in a break from all normal manner of things and without any fair warning or expectation of change, the match report for the second half will come in the form of commentary from the match and a succession of almost meaningless textual coughs.




SCC 2017 awards night glory

Comrade commissar Brandonovski

Awards night comes around so quickly. The season is barely in full swing before we’re stopped and reminiscing on our failings and our victories. Twas ever such. 

The venue this year was the Lord’s Tavern which sits within a quick single of the Mecca of British cricket and we were warmly welcomed add had a fabulous night. 

As you can see, the main event was the award of the Cobramovich trophy, the comrades’ comrade samovar, to Brandonovski. Aka Pete Brandon. The result was a clear win for him and we all celebrate his success… he was decidedly gooey! Congratulations from us all Brandonivski.

Other winners on the night were the recipients of the SCC certificates of merit for their season’s achievements. They were…

Best keeping – Brandonovski (Pete Brandon)

Most improved – Malkovich (Malcolm Hercus)

Most runs – Vlad (Charlie Richards)

Most wickets – Yuri P (Philip Richardson)

Captaincy merit – Dacha (Dan Woodhouse)

Well done all comrades!

Semper sodales, fors et victores!!






Comrades! The pilgrimage to Chiswick is always worth it. Yes, the ground is pricey, the pub is distant and the boundary a killing field of lost balls, but it always seems worth it. The Musicians Cricket Alliance were the oppo today and we had a good team turn out. In the absence of Yuri at the very beginning, Dacha strolled out for the toss and we were batting first. A bright day with a dry wicket, still small tufts of green.

Openers were VLAD and ANALITCH (Charlie Richards and Russell Townley). What was enjoyable about managing the team for this fixture was that it appeared to have some depth to it. A good selection of bats and bowlers. And we opened well, steady and determined – aiming for the 70s at drinks.

Brando and Vlad

Four overs in and the rate was slowly increasing and the eyes a little less skittish. But the first ball of the fifth over and Analitch was caught behind off Howell’s. A sad early stroll for the Itcher but as it turned out, the wicky was their best all rounder and was so close to the stumps, he was tickling the wood with his minge.

On strolls Brandonovski (Peter Brandon) and we settle in for a most enjoyable and invigorating partnership. “By ‘eck” – they worked so hard those two. A knock here, a pat there, a drive. The whole panoply of batting was exhibited for the exultant audience. Even the sun was battling it’s way through to have a look. The excited all as they drove passed the 70s and the heat was on, could be beat 100 before drinks – last couple of balls to go and VLAD slaps a stonking six and we broke at 102. ONE HUNDRED AT TWO at drinks!!! 

The next over sadly saw the partnership close for 94 and VLAD stroll back manfully with 65 runs, caught Knight off Menon. HUZZZAAAHHHH comrade Vlad! 

Brando Vlad Superb Sewelski scored a manly 16 and Brando slid gracefully up to 40 before being bowled Menon. Dacha bashed out a useful 18 before being bowled Roberts and we must mention that Samovar was powerful in the middle-order producing 24 not out whilst those at the other end went quickly. And so as we went to tea we were at 213 off 38 overs – for the SCC, not bad at all.

For their innings, Fraser and Foster came in and that was it, really. They stayed in. Blooming hell we chucked it all at them and I must confess that even I was getting down-hearted as I failed to break through – even to miss. They were very tight and very good. Finally Fraser was caught off Soldya for 105 and let Salisbury in to get 8. Both he and Foster not-out. The latter getting 89! They beat us 9 wickets and 12 overs.

They were good. They were good!