Tag: Cobramovich

Match Report : SCC v XilesCC Sunday 4th August 2013

40 overs, 8 overs/bowler, timed game.
XilesCC win by 117 runs with 9 balls to go.
Xiles 257 for 3 – SCC 140 for 9

Captains in the sun
Captains in the sun

The run down to my home county of Sussex to play cricket, is for me one of the finest things I could do with a morning. Vladimir Boringski kept me company and between us we plotted the overthrow of the imperialist Brighton Xiles XI and their devilish plan for the conquest of North Brighton, or London as we call it.

The sun was with us and baked the tin of my new Ford S-Max like a Sherman tank in the desert of Africa. This was the indeed the first day of a tour of duty in Sussex, Brighton Xiles and then on to Lindfield. We felt like the devilish rats of the 8th army – soiled, dirty, hot and sweaty and ready for some blood.

St James’ and Montefiore ground is between Hassocks and Ditchling and sits amiably below the South Downs. Quite superb. The pavilion is a great palace of slatted timber that welcomes and seduces the teams into a suitably competitive spirit and when Cobramovich and the Xiles’ Hooper walked back from a swift toss on the pitch, we were all set to play.

We took to the field first. A great team with some superb additions to help us out and both of whom I must credit thoroughly for their help: Geoff and Neal Freeman, aka The Freemanoffs. Having been at school with Neal and also having worked with Geoff (barely a few years ago!) I knew the dynasty and of their close family connection to Tich Freeman. Great things are due, thank you comrades.

Opening the bowling, The Richardson Brothers: Myself (Yuri) and Chimpmunkski. Xiles’ Captain David Hooper and ‘Will’ facing. Quite a good and relaxed opening was had and they were happy clattering balls away though not rapidly at first. But at 51 I got Capt’ Hooper LBW and with not an ounce of disappointment or sadness he strolled from the pitch, full of joy having scored a very admirable 31.

Not a lot developed for a while but when Chipmunkski and I finished our spells, he was at 28 off 7 with a maiden to boot and I at 34 with my wicket – not awful. then streaking into the sun and spitting 33 caliber balls turned our replacements Sewelski and Vlad the Impaler, Boringski. We must credit the former with a sterling performance and improvement. With every passing ball and over his line and length improved and we began to see the spin from his youth. Facing him our finest Vlad Boringski, drilling in great style.

However, the runs were building as David M had replaced the Hooper man, and it wasn’t until the 30th over and a score of 205 that Will was stumped for 58 off our most excellent guest, Geoff Freemanoff. The heat of the day was obviously not helping us and David M got up to 89 before an LBW from God Knows Who. 28 and 23 from Tom and Luke C. Neal Freemanoff gave a splendid rendition of an over and Brandonovski obliged us with a couple and hopefully more to come. But 40 0vers were up and 257 was scored for 3.

St James Montefiore Ground
St James Montefiore Ground

PAWS stands for Partners, Wives and Singles. Deal with it. Without them we would all be so much less of a team, so much less as individuals and bereft of certain key aspects of the game. One of which would have been tea. Brandonovski and Ilyeva had brilliantly planned the arrival of the nosh and with the help of the PAWS it was laid out like the feast of the ancients (I have no idea what I am writing about). We fell upon it and much like the Demolition of Rasputeles’ castle of Aluminium Foil, we were fed and ready for our innings (Please help me).

Cobramovich and Robski walked out into the late afternoon sun. Each eager and astute. A 35 minute partnership followed until Robski was caught off Tulley for 17. Three boundary 4s though and some lovely dotting. Cobramovich welcomed cmr. cms. Treasurer Ilyeva in until he was bowled Bradmore for 1. But his body has been clattered this season and we know he will be fighting fit for 2014.

Brandonovski now touched gloves with Cobramovich and did some fine Dorothy work until being taken by Tulley again. But any dotting over ten is worth praise. Vladimir Boringski is now in bat. Gosh, what a figure he cuts out there. I feel an aching sense of pride to see such a sterling posture and presence in the field. Cobramovich was obviously similarly impressed as he was shortly after caught off Bradmore after having provided the SCC with an admirable 21.

Then we gave Vlad some changing scenery at the other end for a while, Nealoff was there but a brief while – but thank you! Then Sewelski. Special note here I think as he banged away two fours before being taken Hales for 8. Then Chipmunkski and myself for 2 and 11 respectively and then to Geoff Freemanoff. Another fine figure occupying the crease and so splendidly so. Something in his pace and capability brought the Xiles into a sticky clamor of fear and silence. 15 runs scored and a couple of boundary fours – Thank you Geoff! Appreciated.

But all good things come to an end and so did we, 140 scored. This fixture and pitch is without doubt a keeper. Well done all around comrades, thank you to our captain Cobramovich and congratulations to the Brighton Xiles under David Hooper’s direction. We shall be back at St James’ Montefiore next year for sure.

Semper Sodales, fors et Victores!

SCC v Xiles XCC innings 2013
SCC v Xiles XCC innings 2013

SCC v Xiles SCC innings 2013
SCC v Xiles SCC innings 2013

Match Report: Badlesmere XI CC v SCC Saturday 1st June 2013

40 over game, retire at 100 n/o
Badlesmere XI win by 99 runs; 253 for 3
SCC 154 all out

Belmont House Cricket Ground
Belmont House Cricket Ground

SPECIAL REPORT FROM COMRADE COMMISSAR COBRAMOVICH!
Comrade Commissar Ileyva Lunchourov looked disconsolately from the rain-splattered window of his Zil limousine as it passed Belmont House. These sickening capitalists and their decadent displays of faded, historic, exploitative wealth! This accurse-sed exile!! How he longed once again for the honest grit of the Donbass coalfield and the long-lost, brotherly self-respect afforded him by the heroic miners of the glorious cause.

In the following convoy of black cars, Altmananov’s eyes also narrowed with politico-philosophical distrust as he passed the fascists’ mansion, then Brandonovski’s, and so on, until all 11 of the Soviet cavalcade had traversed the centre of the former great rural estate, on the last lap to the battlefield. Only Jontin, himself rescued by the Red forces from his defiantly aristocratic parents, as a mere toddler during the Great Uprising, seemed to betray a furtive glimpse of distant longing in his dark eyes, as he fleetingly surveyed the stone monolith. His balding, burly State driver surely noticed, but as always remained silent…

An hour later, Supreme Leader ‘Tzar’ (not in the pre-1917 sense you understand, but perhaps we remain essentially a peasant people, at once ever seeking, loving and fearing a Supreme Leader?) Yuri Pedeez, having inserted the Kentish opposition, the Collective were staring into a cricketing abyss: An unreconstructed Badlesmere Occasionals opening batsman – De Moubray, surely an unapologetic exploiter of the masses – was nearing his half-century, clubbing the hissing Cobramovich to the leg-side boundary at will. Hirstheryankov, Samovar, Sewellski and new convert Mullertov Cocktail also all battled hard with their crimson balls to remove this Western ogre; but none could – and the vile Enemy Of The People only retreated once he had passed his debut 100.

YuriCobraEarScratching
I would rather pick my ear than score any more!

In fact, despite some excellent fielding on the big stately home pitch, including Ileyva and Altmananov both bravely taking nasty knocks for the team, we were nevertheless only able to dispatch 3 other capitalists to the Gulag. The highlight for this humble Pravda propagandist being Cosmonaut Sewellski’s wicket: The Blakes 7 oligarch’s rangy bowling quickly eliciting a fine catch at short extra cover from (the clearly surprised) Yuri.

At least we remained cosy in the drizzle-threatening gloom, thanks – courtesy Quartermaster Brandonovski – to our freshly delivered new club sweaters, emanating pungent wafts of Ural Mountain sheep wool. The aroma drifted dreamily over the North Downs and soulfully compounded our deep desire for a return to the Motherland. Meanwhile, by tea a brutal target of 253 had been set us Russians by the Imperialists.

Orthodox blessings then upon the strawberry meringues served, such a guilty bourgeois pleasure for this simple son of the black Ukrainian soil. I justified my corrupted treachery by observing that at least they were partly Red in colour.

I am that bored
I am that bored

With a run-rate in excess of 6 an over required for victory, could perhaps our openers, the in-form Arctic Monster of frozen Arkangel, Jontin – fresh from his Collective record-topping individual score of 77 at Penn Street – and big-hitting ‘keeper Robski, build a platform quickly enough to topple the decadents? Nyet! Robski, then Sewellski, both fell to the ghastly Shirley. Russians, felled for year zeros by a man with a woman’s name. Readers, reflect for a moment on the shame in zat zentence…

Mullertov entered, rather curiously swishing his hips while holding his bat parallel with both hands, possibly in a deranged effort to attract ‘Shirley’ with a courtship dance. Or was it a warm up? Western corruption after all is insidious, and we must always be on our guard against it.

Dear Mum, can I come home now?
Dear Mum, can I come home now?

Spaseba though, our number 4 soon got down to honest work, over a full 97 minutes crafting a Caspian Sea-size 3rd wicket partnership of 105 with Jontin, before finally falling on his sickle in the 24th over for a fine 41. Jontin lasted another half-hour, ratcheting up the score to a near respectable 128-5, at which point he was roostered by Cockerel. (Party-approved word play at an idiotic enemy’s expense, meerkats.) 9 fours, on a tricky wicket and sticky outfield, went towards Jontin’s heroic 72: Another consecutive huge score for the Walrus of the Tundra! Surely the Order of Lenin awaits him at the Union Club in November.

From the remaining batsmen only Samovar, his yogic mysticism tolerated by our gloriously godless regime, could reach double figures; but, facing tidy Badlesmere bowling throughout, it was still encouraging for the future to see The Collective fall just one ball short of batting out the entire allocated 40 overs, the ever-improving Lunchourov cruelly being given LBW on the 5th ball of the final over.

So, 154 all out – a defeat by 99 runs, and surely we had the last grim laugh: The depraved Westerners could not manage to beat us by a hundred. A moral victory for Communist Cricket, Comrades!

Many thanks to all of you comrades and all at Badlesmere. Thank you cmr cms Cobramovich for a startling, incisive, accurate and spine tingling match report, too! – Yuri

 

THEIR iPAD PDFSCORECARD IS HERE….hmmmm!!!

Badlesmere v SCC june 2013 - us
Badlesmere v SCC june 2013 – us

Umpiring, Nets and THE COLD

Comrades, I thought you would like to learn a little of the backstage drama that happens whilst some of us come together to build the excellence of the team! I know you can’t all make it along to these events, but do try, comrades, do try. You will find yourselves being picked more readily for a team, nobody likes a shirker!

Cobra at Winter Nets
Cobra at Winter Nets

February Nets

Oh yes we did. Last Tuesday 19th Feb, Brandonovski, Cobramovich and myself  Yuri, went along to the illuminated nets at Paddington Rec. The lights took a while to come on to be honest, but when they were, they looked great and the nets shone! We were wearing thermals, 20-20 kit, jumpers and thick socks. But to be honest, after a damn good bat and some bowling, our heads were steaming hot.

The hot addition for the night was Brandonovski’s inspired acquisition of the Side Arm. This insures that no matter who is bowling, the ball will get down the net and be playable by the bats person who is practising. Of course, if we are bowling practising then that is a different matter. But tonight we wanted to really improve our bat for the new season. I got my lid on first and faced up to some of Brandonovski’s chucking and boy, it’s fast! Accurate too, and I was facing 90% playable balls. My focus was to Pull shots down the leg side and after a few overs, I was improved. I used to step backwards endlessly just to defend them… duh!

Brandonovski was working on his off side drive although I also think he is looking to up his tally of dots for 2013. But some very nice action and good shapes! But I feel some swinging may add to an excellent quiver of strokes – next nets, comrade. It was good to see that his shoulder was much improved after a recent off spell, tenderly fixed by comrade Samovar.

Cobramovich was stoical in his determination to improve his soft wristed spill to the leg side, giving fine leg a tremendous sprint or the wicky some fractured ribs. He always looks good in his action and most of our comments were to congratulate him on subpplety of wrist. A lesson for us all, comrades. But I wanted him out from and edge and my bowling focused on coming around and across. I know there shall be no LBW from such rash bowling but I want a slip catch or two this season.

Cobramovich was lowering his action in delivery for the height of the nets but Brandonovski and I both felt this gave his balls more speed and improved accuracy to. Could this be a development for the season? We shall see. Whatever, we were all delighted with the nets and will be booking more winter nets very very soon! Come along.

Umpiring Course Week 5

Norman in full flight
Norman in full flight

It is hard to specify exactly how cold these Thursday nights at Lord’s have been. The weather has been utterly shocking, howling wind and snow, and freezing chill factors, Batman! The course is good. We are learning, comrade commissar Brandonovski and myself, all about the art and shall we say approach to umpiring required for us to hopefully get our Level 1 qualification from the ACO. We have one more regular week, then a mock exam week and the final week, the exam!

So what does that mean for you comrades? It doesn’t mean you don’t have to worry about umpiring at a match in the future. Nope. In fact, the reverse. We need a good core of umpire happy comrades to take part during all matches. Brandonovski and I will go out with those amongst us with years of cricket umpire helping behind them. So we shall learn their feeling and interpretation. We shall impart our more recent knowledge and other comrades will come in and help and learn. This way, our knowledge can be dissipated through the team and we shall all be happier to go out and ump’. Maybe next year, we can get one or two more comrades to do the course – we do subsidise it from membership!

Well thank you comrades for reading up and what’s going down. GET TO THE NETS as the season is starting very soon and you will all be hopelessly out of shape and none of you will have your eyes in. If we see you at the nets, we shall see you on the pitch – it’s that straight forward!

Do Svidaniya

Yuri P